ONE RAINY DAY

I didn't go to work today. The rain outside is freezing and so are my insides. I had a flu shot yesterday morning. At night, I started to chill a bit and warm at the same time--almost like having a fever.

I just stayed in my room the whole day doing my taxes and some paperwork. I just feel so stressed out with all the recent happenings in my life. Louie would like to move out of my aunt's place and they could not agree on something that they will be both happy. In the middle of this whole thing is ME. I don't want to think that my sickness is due to stress, not really the vaccine

They say it is impossible to please everybody-- I totally agree! It is true that I have the tendency to please my loved ones to the best of my abilities but it is becoming more and more clear to me now that I always have to choose. In the end, there is always someone who would have to give in, lose, or worse-- suffer.

Personally, I do want to move out. The only reason that I agreed on moving in with her family was her reaction to it. She would not talk to us! I can understand that she was hurt but I can't always be a part of the equation that will solve her problems. Besides, I also have my own issues in which she cannot do anything about. One thing that I learned in being away from my immediate family is the fact that nobody is really going to help you in times of trouble except for yourself and God. Of course, a lot of people have helped me in order to survive in this foreign country but in worst case scenario, it is just ME, MYSELF, AND I!

Moving out is not easy, mind you. For just the past 2 years I have moved in 7 houses already. It is difficult not only in terms of digging in for financial resources but also the physical and emotional stress that comes with it. And now, it feels more complicated because my aunt does not want us to move out. She said that she still needs our help and I can understand that. I just wished that she would understand that we also want to start living on our own. Independence means a lot to me. I feel bored with my life because I know that I am not maximizing my potential. It is sad to say that I can never start searching for myself again unless I move out. I just hope she'd understand.